Finding Her Way

It's been a little over a week since we introduced Oakley to her forever home and family and we are all adjusting really well. We had a few bumpy days - really bumpy days. She was initially jealous of Sullivan (and mean to him), which I totally didn't expect, and she was TERRIFIED of Scrabble, our springer spaniel.

I thought she'd bond with Sullivan really quickly since he's the closest in age to her, but I think she was threatened by him. She was so mean to him at first -- she wouldn't say his name although she said it readily in China, wouldn't look at him, wouldn't answer him when he asked her questions, and essentially, tried to act like he didn't exist. When he and I would cuddle, or he'd just sit next to me on the couch, she would cover her eyes with her hands and sob, and she even tried to push him away a couple of times. It was HEARTBREAKING for me to watch, and although I knew where she was coming from, I felt so sorry for Sullivan. He was trying very hard to be patient and to be a good big brother. As his eyes filled with tears at her rejection, I couldn't help but feel angry at her. And then I felt guilty for feeling angry. And then I felt like, what the heck have we done?!? Then I felt guilty again for even thinking that. Those emotions, coupled with severe jet lag, were hard to handle and I'm thankful those days were short-lived.

This was the first issue we worked on. We firmly told her "no" when she was not being nice to Sullivan and then lavished some love and attention on him. We played ring-around-the-rosie together, he played blocks with her and let her knock over his towers, he took a bubble bath with her and I sat with them while Sullivan read her bedtime story. He's now her best buddy and she gleefully shouts "Sunninan!" whenever he enters the room. She also gives him lots of spontaneous hugs and will place her little hand in his own as they sit side-by-side in the backseat of the car.


Finally, I clearly see the relationship that has blossomed and will continue to develop between them. I know they will someday argue like brother and sister and I will cherish those days too, (okay, maybe not cherish, but I'll accept them), knowing that they are finally comfortable with their new roles in this crazy thing we call family.

As for Scrabble, he came home Sunday evening, looking freshly bathed and groomed (thank you Lori!). He was beyond happy to see his boys! He sensed right away that Oakley was terrified of him and he kept his distance, never once approaching her, jumping on her, trying to kiss her, or even investigate. Despite his impeccable manners, she screamed bloody murder, hoisted her legs up as far as possible and squeezed her eyes shut every time she saw him. I know that at the orphanage she had no exposure to animals and I knew that she was scared of dogs because she cried in China the few times we happened upon one. But I had no idea she would react to Scrabble this way. She shook uncontrollably and was genuinely terrified. She did this for a few days, but after repeated assurance, after seeing the boys play with him, after hearing us all tell her what a good dog he was, she finally began to watch him wearily without shuddering or screaming. She whimpered for days anytime he came near her, but even that, too, has pretty much subsided. And this morning, she actually reached out and petted him (ever so briefly) on her own initiative -- great strides for one brave little girl.

I guess I owe Hagan $5. He bet me that she would be okay with Scrabble by the end of the week. I should have had more faith in our little girl -- I've seen first-hand the obstacles she has already overcome. I will continue to claim that jetlag temporarily skewed my reasoning. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Oakley is finding her way in our family dynamic and finding her way into the hearts of everyone who meets her. We love this little girl, who now taps her chest and smiles as she proudly exclaims, "Oakley Xinxiang!"